Tuesday, April 01, 2014

A Broken Heart

A Broken Heart

“If you would direct your heart right,
And spread out your hand to Him; . . .”
“Then indeed, you could lift up your face . . .
And you would be steadfast and not fear.”
“For you would forget your trouble,
As waters that have passed by, 
You would remember it.”
“And your life would be brighter
Than noonday; . . .”
(Job 11: 13 - 17)

Sometimes in life we feel as if the problems we are facing, the hurts and the pain,  are just too much.  Our prayers seem like whispers, that no one hears.

Almost every person walking on this earth, has felt heartache and pain.  Most of us have felt despair in our lives.  It fills our minds, hearts, and even souls - so that we can see nothing else.  It is then, in those moments of darkness - that we wonder how we will ever find our way out.  I  know this - because I remember . . .

The cords of death encompassed me,
And the terrors of Sheol came upon me;
I found distress and sorrow. 
Then I called upon the name of the Lord:
“O Lord, I beseech Thee, . . .”
(Psalm 116: 3 & 4)

I loved her!  I hadn’t met her yet, but still . . . My heart was full of joy.  I say “her” because that is what comes to my lips.  But the truth is, I didn’t know yet, if it would be a boy, or a girl.  A new life was entering our lives, and there was so much joy with that news.

A new little grandchild was going to be born.  Immediately, I was celebrating this new gift of life.  I started planning, the blankets and sweaters I would make, the baby clothes and furniture that would be needed.  I could already picture her in my arms, as I kissed her little face.  Happiness just seemed to fill all of our lives!

Over the next few weeks, the new baby was all I could think about or talk about.  I checked on how momma was feeling, spending time talking with her and planning for the future.  I even started buying a few little baby things, putting them away for when the baby was born.  The days seemed lighter and happier, getting ready for this new little life . . .

I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications.  
Because He has inclined His ear to me,  . . . 
(Psalm 116: 1 & 2)

I can still remember the moment when she called me.  “The baby died” she said.  At that moment, pain filled my chest, and I wondered if I would be able to take a breath.  I tried to find words to comfort her, but nothing seemed right at that moment.  When I hung up the phone, the sobbing started.  I struggled to breath, in between sobs.  “Why Lord? Why?”  was all I could say.  I didn’t know how to stop the heartache.

Then I called upon the name of the Lord;
“O Lord, I beseech Thee, . . .”

“Loss” , it is something that we really want to avoid.  But when we love, we will always face moments of “loss”.  We say good-bye to our grandparents, and then our parents.  And each time, our heart breaks.  Saying good-bye to family and friends hurts, and it always will - unless we say no to “love” . . .

July 15, 1998 - that is the day that my best friend died. I sat beside her that morning, the tears flowing down my face.  “How will I get on without you?” I asked her.  Her body was in a coma, but for some reason it felt like she was right there with me.  I told her that I loved her, and thanked her for her love and friendship.  I looked into her face, hoping to hear her voice one more time.  I touched her cheek and told her I would never forget her.  “I love you” I whispered close to her ear.  As I turned to leave, I worked hard not to start sobbing.  Her husband and family were waiting in the next room, having left me alone for a moment with her.  As I stopped to tell them I was leaving, my voice cracked; and so I waved and walked out of the house.

I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me.
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Yes, our God is compassionate. 
(Psalm 116: 1, 2, & 5)

Heartache and pain are part of living life.  But they aren’t all that comes with “Life”.  There is love, joy, and  laughter in loving another.  There is fullness in our lives, because we love!

I can remember a moment when I thought it would be better - if I never felt anything - ever again!  As I look back on that moment, I realize how much I would have missed, if that had been how my life had ended.  The friendships I would never have shared.  The love of a husband, who cherishes our life together.  Laughter shared with those I love, and the babies I have held tightly in my arms - I am so glad I never missed those moments.

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven - 
A time to give birth, and a time to die.
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A  time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
A time to mourn, and a time to dance . . . 
(Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 4)

We are in the time of year called “Lent”.  It is the time of waiting and searching, that leads up to Easter.  A few years ago, Ted and I heard a pastor preach on the meaning of “Lent”.  In his sermon, he taught us that the word Lent means “starting again” or “new beginning”.  I loved his sermon, as it taught us about what Life is all about.  We are always going to have hurts and pain in our lives.  There will always be anger and hatred that comes along, as  we live our lives.  But opening our hearts, and “starting again” helps us to let go.  When we do, new hope - new Life - can begin again.  That is what Easter is all about . . .

And Hope does not disappoint, 
because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through 
the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
(Romans 5: 5)

I love my daughter with all my heart.  When she lost her baby, my heart broke - for her - and for all of us.  But “Hope does not disappoint” , and my daughter is expecting a new little baby.  As we watch her belly grow, our happiness is overflowing.  I am already in love, and my heart is filled with so much joy!

I can’t wait to hold my new little grandbaby.  I will hold her close and kiss her; telling her how much I love her.  But as I look into her beautiful face, I will also remember that another little one - is waiting in Heaven.  Someday . . . I will get to meet her . . .

And Hope does not disappoint . . .  

It is “my” hope, that you will trust God with your grief and sorrow, hurts and pain.  In trusting in God, and giving Him “all” your pain - Love will find it’s way back into your heart.

Will there be pain again?  Yes.  But Love will always push out the darkness, and bring you more joy and happiness than you can ever imagine.

Now may the God of Hope
Fill you with all joy and peace in believing,
That you may abound in hope
By the power of the Holy Spirit.
(Romans 15: 13)

God bless you and keep you, as we go through “Lent”, a time of “New Beginnings”.

In His Love,

Debbie & Ted Ayers