Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What is the Secret?

Weekly Word - August 23, 2011

“See, I have set before you today - life and prosperity, and death and adversity; in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways . . . That you may live . . . And that the Lord your God may bless you . . .
(Deuteronomy 30: 15 & 16)


“What is the secret of Life, Love, and Happiness?” This was the question that a good friend of mine had posted on one of the websites that I go to. As I read it, so many thoughts and emotions ran through my head. I wanted to immediately write something under her question. But instead, I kept reading the posts that others were writing back to her. It shocked me that so many others seemed to feel the same way she did! So many wrote down how they felt the same emptiness, the same wonderment - of just how to become happy in their lives. They all seemed to wonder the same question . . .What is the secret . . .

See, I have set before you today - life and prosperity, and death and adversity . . .



My friend Kathy and I had “finally” made a date for lunch. I hadn’t seen her in almost a year! So as I drove in to the parking lot where she works, I have to admit I was a little nervous, as well as excited - to see her again! I had gotten there early, and so I sat listening to the radio - waiting for her. I saw a few people coming and going, but none looked like Kathy. Then I saw her - walking down the steps and toward me. She hadn’t changed a bit! She was beautiful, poised, and just how I thought she would look! As she got in the car, she looked over at me - and then pulled me toward her - giving me a big hug! “Hey you!” she laughed as she let go! I just looked at her and laughed. “Where do you want to go to lunch?” I asked. “Wherever you want to - - - the usual?” As she said it, I backed the car out of the parking lot, and headed up the road. We chatted a little bit, laughing as I mentioned missing her birthday again. “So how is Brian doing?” I asked. As I asked the question, a picture of her little boy came into my head. “He’s working full time now” she told me. Part of me wanted to argue with her - but I knew that time had moved on - and her son was now a young man. “How is he feeling?” I asked. As she started to tell me about her son, I heard only a few things as my mind went back in time - to the little boy who I had met some 20 years ago . . .


“That you may live . . . And that the Lord your God may bless you . . .


I met Kathy when she came to work in the same office where I worked. We hit it off right away. She was a wife, a mom, and someone who I loved to spend time with. We shared our thoughts and lives, and became really good friends. I had 2 children, and she did too. She met my children, and I met hers. Brian was about 4 when I met him. He was her youngest - - - and he was her “miracle”. When he was a little baby, he needed a kidney transplant. I hadn’t known Kathy then, but she told me all about being in Boston, and how sick her son had been. Without a transplant, her baby son would die. It was a terrible time for Kathy, a time that was full of fear that she would lose her baby. So when a kidney became available, her heart was so grateful. Her son was going to live!

When I met Brian, I have to admit, he was just the cutest little boy! He had light blonde/brown hair, with the biggest brown eyes. His eyebrows were thick and black, and he just seemed so beautiful. He was small for his age, and you just wanted to cuddle him! He had a big box that was on his stomach, with wires that led to his ears. It was his hearing aid. Later, when he was older, he would get the smaller ones. But as a little guy, his hearing was in the box on his belly. My daughter Jenny, as well as Kathy’s oldest son Matt, and little Brian (that’s what I started calling him) all played together - while Kathy and I visited and had coffee. Jenny, like me, fell in love with this little boy.

I wish I could say that Kathy’s worries were over when Brian got his transplant, but they weren’t. He had to have medicine - every day - every so many hours. It didn’t matter that the clock said midnight - or 4am - Kathy was up giving her son what he needed - - - to stay alive . . .



“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine!” “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you . . .”
(Isaiah 43: 1 & 2)



“How’s Brian doing?” when I asked Kathy about her son, I already knew that things were not so good. “He is working full time now - and has dialysis three days a week” she continued. As I drove the car, Kathy talked a little more about her son - and then changed the subject. I didn’t push her, that’s just the way our friendship is. As we got to our “usual” restaurant, we stood in line, waiting to order. As she got her food, she headed to find us a place to sit. I waited for my own food, thinking about all she had said. As I sat down with my drink, she looked at me with a question - and then started laughing when I told her it was going to be a while before my food was ready. After all, here we were at our favorite “fast food” restaurant!

As we sat there talking, the time just seemed to fly by! We talked about our lives - our husbands and children - and of course our grandchildren. Kathy is one of the very few friends that I have - that I can share anything with! On this day, we spent most of our time listening to each other’s “every day” concerns. Sometimes we laughed - and then there were the times when we shared our worries and fears. As the time grew near for my good friend to go back to work; we talked a little more about her youngest son. There were so many things she knew he needed to do - to stay on the list for another kidney. But her son didn’t always seem to want to do those things. He wanted to be an ordinary 24 year old. But the truth was - he wasn’t! She understood all of the turmoil inside of her son. She had her own battles with it, as well. With a look of sadness in her eyes - she asked: “What kind of life does he have - going to work at a factory, and then spending the rest of his time at dialysis?” As she said it, my heart just sank . . .



“Do not fear, I will be with you; . . .
Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you, . . .
(Isaiah 43: 1 - 4)



“What is the secret of Life, Love, and Happiness?” As I think about this question, I can’t help but think about my own life - and the surprising gifts that have been given along the way . . .

He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. At least that is what their pastor and others seemed to think. But life doesn’t seem to always happen the way it is supposed to happen. He fell in love anyways - and she did too. They did their best to do what was “right”. They prayed, they asked God for help - and yet - they loved each other with all their heart. He finally told the Lord that it was OK if God wanted her to do something else - he would wait for her - until she was 80 if that is what God wanted. She finally told the Lord that if he was supposed to marry another, she wouldn’t stand in the way. She wanted him to have children and a family - and so she told the Lord to bless this man she loved so very much . . .

God listened to both those prayers. He knew what each heart needed! And so - Ted and I were married over 10 years ago. The Lord was right there with us, as we vowed to love each other - through whatever lay ahead. God knew that Ted needed a family, and we have a wonderful family! God knew that I needed someone to be the strength in my life. Ted gives me the strength to believe in myself. Because of him, I am able to write, to minister, and to be myself.

But there is no secret to loving, to being happy, or even to living our lives. Every day - - - is a choice before you. What will you choose for yourself - and your life? For Ted and I, we chose to ask God to be in charge . . .



I call heaven and earth to witness . . . That I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live . . .
(Deuteronomy 30:19)



“What is the secret of Life, Love, and Happiness?” As I read this question, I couldn’t help but think about so many things in my life, as well as those that I love. I wish I could say that “Life” is about being guaranteed a number of years that you live. But I have learned that it just isn’t true. “Life” is more than the days we spend here on earth. It is how we spend those days - the choices that we make in those moments we have - and the love that we give away to others. Those are the things that make us “alive”.

When I left my friend the other day, I knew that her heart was hurting. She is facing the possibility of losing her son. But my friend is much more than the hurt that is inside of her. She is a strong, loving wife, mother, and grandmother. She loves both her sons, with all of her heart. Her son Brian has been alive for 24 years, because of a miracle - all those years ago. During his life, his mother has celebrated each day that he has been alive. Will he get another miracle? I don’t know that answer. But I do know that his life has been an amazing gift - - - all along the way . . .

“What is the secret?” The answer is - - - there is no secret. It is a choice we make - every day. Life, Love, and Happiness - are the things that we find, when we give up trying to find our “own” way in this world.



I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live . . .



I can still remember the last few weeks of my friend Norma’s life. I was somehow blessed to be a close friend to this amazing lady. As she got sicker, I stayed with her while her husband worked. One night while I was there, I heard a knock at the door. Norma was in bed sleeping. I went to the door, and found a friend from Norma’s church standing there. “I need to see Norma” she said. I told her that Norma was sleeping, but she still wanted to see her. I let her in, and asked her to wait in the living room while I went in to see if Norma was awake. I knelt down near the bed and asked Norma if she wanted to see her friend. Norma just nodded and said she would come out. I helped her into her bathrobe and slippers, and walked her out to her favorite chair. As Norma sat down, her friend couldn’t keep in her excitement. “Norma! Norma!” she exclaimed. “I was praying today and God told me that you weren’t going to die!” she said. Norma just looked at her friend, and then she looked over at me. “We need to pray!” her friend continued. “Right now!” As she said it, she knelt down on the living room carpet. Looking over at Norma, I knelt down next to her friend. Norma somehow found a way to kneel down as well. Quietly we started to pray. I found myself praying out loud (something I usually don’t do), asking God to be in charge of Norma’s life - and the days that she had before her. As we finished praying, Norma sat back and quietly asked her friend a question. “Would it be OK if I did go on to see the Lord?” Looking at Norma, her friend nodded and said “I would want to go there too, someday”.

When Norma’s friend left that night and I had gotten Norma back into bed, I found myself sitting in the living room - thinking about what her friend had said. “She is right!” I quietly whispered. Norma wasn’t going to die - she was just going to be living somewhere else - - - with the Lord . . .



So choose life - - - in order that you may live . . .



In each day, we face brand new problems - and possibilities. Each day, is a mystery - that is just waiting for our choices. There are no “secrets” to how to get through our lives, or find love and happiness. But there is something we can do - to bring Life into our world. We can choose to ask God to be in that day - and every day. When we do, He has promised that our lives will be full of Life and Love. All we need to do - - - is ask . . .



“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity - to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29:11)



As you face the days before you, it is my hope and prayer that you will ask the Lord to walk each day with you. When you do - - - your Life will never be the same . . .



By loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live . . .



God bless you and keep you, until we meet back here again!

In His Perfect Love,

Debbie & Ted Ayers