Saturday, May 05, 2012

Mother's Day 2012

Mother’s Day - 2012


And if I have all faith so as to move  mountains, but do not have love, . . .
I am nothing. 
(1 Corinthians 13: 2b)


It is May already, and I can’t believe how fast the months have flown by. May is the month of flowers blooming, warm sunny days, and of course - - - Mothers Day! It is the day to celebrate those women who have made a difference in our lives. For me, Mother’s Day means a lot of different things. I am a daughter - a mother - and a grandmother. And each one of those names - describes a piece of “who” I am . . .

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; . . .
(1 Corinthians 13: 4a)

The other day I opened up a letter from the nursing home. I thought it was just another update on payments or nursing care meetings for my mom. But instead I pulled out a bright pink sheet of paper that had “Mother’s Day Tea” written on top of it. As I looked at it, a kind of sadness swept over me. And then I remembered back to a few years earlier . . .

My dad had passed away in October, and my brothers and I were faced with how to take care of our mom. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a number of years earlier, and my dad had spent the last few years trying to care for her while trying to battle cancer. When dad passed away, we promised him that we would take care of Mom. Now we were faced with what to do next. My brother Wayne offered to take her to live with him, as long as I gave him some breaks by taking her at least once a month. So that’s the plan we put in place.

For six months, my mom went back and forth between my house and Wayne’s house. She would stay for 3 weeks at his home, and then for one week at my house. I have to admit that mom wasn’t exactly the easiest person to live with. I worried all the time when she was living with me. But Wayne found her to be angry and combative a lot of the time. His wife and daughter were struggling with having my mom live with them, and soon - he admitted that they just couldn’t take care of her any more. As I listened to my brother, panic started to set into my being. What would we do now? The weeks when I took care of mom, I didn’t work. I just couldn’t keep mom full time. So I called the nursing home where my mom and dad had lived for a short time - until my dad passed away. Would they be able to take my mom?


It was a total shock, when the nursing home said that they could take her. I thanked God for helping us, and helping my mom. It was a pretty May day when my brother brought my mom with all her belongings up to my house. She came into the house all excited, looking forward to spending time with me. She had no idea that the next day would change everything . . .

That very next day, at breakfast, I told mom that she was going to have to go stay at the nursing home for a while. I told her that her doctor wanted to monitor her blood pressure and blood sugar. Mom looked at me with eyes I will never forget. “Why?” was all she could cry, as I tried to get her to understand. With Ted driving, we took mom to the nursing home. She sat quietly crying the entire way. She wouldn’t even look at me. When we arrived, the nurses came out to greet us. As we went up the elevator and walked down to mom’s new room - she stopped and turned to look at me. “It’s Mother’s Day - and look what you did!“ she cried. With tears streaming down my eyes, I turned and walked away. The nurses were wonderful, telling me that it was normal, and that I needed to just leave her there. As I turned one more time to look at my mom, I saw her sitting hunched over in a chair, sobbing, and a question of “why” in her eyes.

As I left her at the nursing home that day, I wondered if my mother would ever forgive me. The nurses had told me that it would only last a few days, but I didn’t believe them. But it turned out - - - they were right. By Sunday - Mother’s Day - my mom was so happy to see us. I had brought mom a plant, and we put it in her big, sunny window. The nursing home was having a special Mother’s Day program, and we all went down to the big dining room to listen to music, and enjoy some goodies. As Ted took a picture of me sitting next to my mom, I couldn’t help but wonder what the future would hold. Even though my mom was smiling and happy that day, I couldn’t help but feel sad - as we left her that day . . .

Love - bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, . . .
(1 Corinthians 13: 7)

I still have the picture that Ted took of my mother and I sitting together that Mother’s Day - three years ago. My mom has changed a lot since that day. Her disease has progressed, and she has lost so many memories of her life. But she still knows I am “Debbie”! Mom also has that picture - in one of her photo books at the nursing home. We looked at it the other day. “You are so pretty here” she told me. As I laughed, I told her she was pretty too. And then I silently thanked God for the gift of that day, and every “good” day that I get to spend with my mom . . .

Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father . . .
(James 1: 17)

“Mother’s Day” - just thinking about that day brings back so many memories and moments in time. I loved being a “mom”! When each of my babies were born, I couldn’t believe how amazing these little beings were - that I was blessed to hold in my arms! As each grew, I watched in wonderment - seeing the gifts and talents that each of them possessed.

I have a tote that is filled to the top, down in my basement. I have taken each piece of paper - each picture and drawing - out to look at and share with Ted. They are the gifts that my children have given to me throughout the years. I have a small handprint in plaster, with Mikey’s name on it. I have a card with Jenny’s picture on it, from when she was in pre-school. There are report cards, and paper weights - cutting boards in the shape of whales, and even pin cushions - all from my children. Each piece is a treasure from my child’s life - as they grew and became the adults they are today.

Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, . . .


Yesterday, my cell phone chimed to tell me I had a new text. As I picked up the phone, I saw that I had a message from my daughter-in-law. Kelly had just sent me a picture. As it opened up on my phone, my heart just seemed to leap in my chest. There in front of me was a picture of my new grandbaby - growing inside of her. “Oh I love her already” were the words I seemed to whisper to God. “She is beautiful” were the next words I spoke. “11 weeks” were the words that Kelly had written under the picture. I was amazed at how much I loved that new little baby!


Now I don’t really know if the baby is a boy or a girl. If she is a boy, I will apologize to him for calling him a “she” - when he is born. All I really know is this: I love my new grandbaby. She (or he) is a gift of love to my son, his wife, and their whole family. This baby is loved . . .

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
(it) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; . . .
(1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8)


“Mother’s Day” - for me, this day is a celebration of “who” each of us are! We are children, friends, parents, and grandparents - and each one of those are gifts from God.

I am the daughter of Alice - who lives in a nursing home - and struggles with remembering her own life. I remember her life, and I celebrate the life she gave to me.

I am the mother to Mike and Jen - and I thank God that He let me take care of those two beautiful children. They have grown into such amazing people - living in this world!

And I am the grandmother to Emma, Abby, Brenden, Derek, and Zachary - as well as the new little baby. I love each of them so very, very much! They have all found their way into my heart!

‘Mother’s Day” - truthfully, it is about the gifts of love in our lives. It is about God’s gifts to each of us - the life we have been given - as well as the families that surround us. I am so thankful to Him for reminding us - of all that we have been given . . .


. . . For love is from God; and everyone who loves - is born of God - and knows God.
(1 John 4: 7)

Next week is Mother’s Day. I hope you take the time to celebrate the life you have been given - through your own mother - as well the children, grandchildren, and even friends who make you the person that you are! You are a gift - that God has created through each of those lives . . .

God is love, and the one who abides in love, abides in God, and God abides in him.
(1 John 4: 16)


God bless you and keep you, until we meet back here again!

In His Perfect Love,

Debbie and Ted Ayers