Weekly Word - Thanksgiving

Weekly Word - November 18, 2010

“Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever,
for wisdom and power belong to Him.”
“It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things;
He knows what is in the darkness, . . .”
(Daniel 2: 20b & 22a)

Kneeling on the concrete, I held her head in my lap. Quietly, I spoke her name - hoping and praying she was conscious. I could already see the bruises coming out on her forehead and cheek, and silently I prayed that she would be alright. It had only taken a moment to change everything. The joy I had felt just a few minutes earlier were now gone - and I worried about my mom. As I sat there holding my mom, I couldn’t help but wonder - - - “why?”

“It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And the light dwells with Him.
(Daniel 2: 22)

“Why?” - it is a question and a sentence - in one word. It holds so many emotions within it. It is said in despair, fear, hopelessness, and even anger. The word itself is a plea to not only others - but to God. And in the moment, it holds a power over all of us . . .

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
(Proverbs 3:5)

She was such a beautiful baby, even though she was sick all the time. Every time I fed her, she would throw up. I never knew how much she was actually getting. How would she grow? The doctors were worried as well, so here we were at the hospital, waiting for her to go in for tests. As they took my little baby girl away, I looked over at my mom - hoping that everything would turn out OK. It seemed like forever, waiting and worrying, when they brought me my little baby - wrapped in a sheet, covered with some sort of white dye, shaking and crying. As I held her close, I prayed for my little girl. “Please Lord, help her to get better”. When the nurse came back, taking her from my arms - I really wasn’t sure I had the strength to go through this. Starting to cry, I asked my mom the question “Why?” Why was my little girl like this? My mom just rubbed my back and told me it would be alright. But I really didn’t know if she was telling me the truth . . .

My poor little girl went through so much that first year of her life. Somehow she continued to grow, even though her digestive system didn’t seem to work quite right. She was small for her age, and yet she was so happy - smiling and laughing all the time. When she started to have problems with her ears, well, I have to say I really hoped it wouldn’t be too bad. But my little Jenny just seemed to have the smallest of tubes in her little body. Her ears were always full of fluid, and she was always having infections. Again, I found myself praying for my little girl. “Why her?” I asked God. I knew He could heal her - if He wanted to. But she continued to have problems. By the time she was 4, she was having trouble hearing. They did more tests, and decided she needed tubes put into her ears. Again we sat at the hospital - - - waiting. And again, I begged God to heal her. I wanted to believe my little girl would be alright, but I really didn’t know what to do any more.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.

For years, I couldn’t understand why God didn’t heal Jenny. She was always at the doctors! But looking back, I remember my little girl being carried around the doctor’s office - laughing and giggling as he went from room to room. My daughter had no fear of the doctor. In fact, she loved him. As she grew, my daughter seemed to find herself loving science and biology. By the time she was a teen, she was volunteering at the local hospital. And when she went to work at 16, my Jenny was working in a doctor’s office. What seemed so difficult for her as a child, has made my daughter who she is - - - today - an amazing, caring young woman who isn‘t afraid to reach out to hurting children!

Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever,
For wisdom and power belong to Him.
It is He who reveals the profound . . .
(Daniel 2: 20 & 22)

I have to admit, I have always fought with myself - and even God - when my children or those I love have been hurting. I want them to be healthy and happy, and things don’t always happen that way . . .

It is He who reveals the profound . . .

I still remember the moment I realized my best friend was not going to live through her second battle with cancer. I had been given a dream; one that I didn’t know what to do with. “Lord why?” I asked. “Why me - why do I have to be the one to tell her?” I continued. That entire day I paced and wondered, and even doubted that the dream had been real. As I picked up the phone and dialed her number, my whole body shook with fear. I asked her to go out for breakfast the next day, struggling to keep my voice steady. Hanging up, I burst into tears. “Lord, I can’t!” I screamed into the air. But “never the less” I knew I would be going the next day.

The day I told Norma that dream was probably one of the hardest days I have ever lived through. She listened as I told her that I had seen her going away with the doctors, and then they brought her back - very sick and close to death. I told her that I had heard the words that she would have “every day that God had given her” - but it was her choice how she would live them. As I looked at her, I wondered how she would take the information I gave her. When she started to laugh, well . . . I really wasn’t ready for that! The doctors had just called to ask her if she wanted to try a new treatment in Boston. They didn’t know if it would help, but wondered if she wanted to go. As she looked at me, she told me she knew her answer . . .

“It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And the light dwells with Him.”

Norma lived out her days doing the things she loved the most. She worked in ministry until just a few weeks before she passed away. As she grew weaker, we spent time together, just talking. We talked about her husband and son. We talked about our lives and our friendship. And we talked about dieing. As she slipped into a coma, I did the talking. On that very last day, I asked her husband and family if I could have a few moments with her. Sitting next to her, I held her hand and told her one last time how much I loved her. I told her I didn’t know how I would get along without her strength and prayers. As the tears came, I told her one last time - “goodbye”. As I drove away that day, tears pouring from my eyes, I couldn’t help but ask over and over again - “Why?” . . .

And the light dwells with Him . . .

Through the years, there have been many moments of questioning “why” in my life. Why did my friend have to leave? Why did my children suffer with sickness and hurts? Why did we have to struggle in our lives . . .

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, . . .

The day I married Ted was one of the happiest days in my entire life! I loved him so much, and I knew he loved me. We knew that God was right there with us, as we started our life together as man and wife. We were part of a ministry, and we just had so much joy!

And then things changed a bit. We left the ministry we had been a part of for years - to start out on our own. We had to trust the Lord to provide for us, as we started our new life. We knew we had a ministry to share, and we also knew that our bills needed to be paid on a “repairman’s” salary. We made our home in the apartments we rented. They were full of love and joy, and I loved the home Ted and I made together. But I have to admit, I sometimes wanted more. I wanted a house. And for that, I felt so guilty. I knew that we didn’t have the funds for a house of our own, and I knew that God had provided so much for us. “Why did I need a house?” I had so much already . . .

Driving around the state of Connecticut on the Tuesdays that I worked as a courier, I got to see so many different areas and towns. I loved the different views - the ocean front areas, the country roads, and even the cities I drove through. It made me happy to see the beauty that God had created all around us. But every once in a while, something else would sneak into my thoughts. As I looked at pretty little houses along the way, my thoughts would drift - - - “Why can they have house?” I would wonder. “Why can’t we?“ I hated that I had those thoughts. But the truth was, I felt that way - and God knew it . . .

Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, . . .
(James 1: 17)

I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised - but I truly was! I couldn’t believe that we were going to buy a house! It just didn’t seem possible. But we were! Ted and I were buying our very first house together! I was so excited, and every time I visited with mom - I told her all about it. I knew her disease was getting worse, but she listened and seemed excited too. Somehow, each time I saw her - she would remember that I was moving. “When will I get to see your new home?” she started asking. I wasn’t sure that it was a good idea to take her, but truthfully - I wanted to. I wanted to show my mother my new home. I wanted to share my joy with her. And so finally, I made plans to pick her up and bring her to see my brand new house . . .

Trust in the Lord . . .
And do not lean on your own understanding . . .

As I held mom’s head in my lap that day, I tried hard not to cry. “Why?” kept running through my head. But I knew the answers. Mom was not as strong as I wished she could be. She didn’t see as well, or understand things around her. So my mom fell down on my brand new steps. Later, as she sat in my living room with an ice pack on her head and cheek, she looked up at the cross over the mantle. “I really like that” she said. Sitting next to her on the couch, I looked up and said a small prayer . . .

Mom is feeling a lot better. She got to see a small part of my new home. She also got hurt that day. I can wish that things would be different, but they aren’t. My mom is weaker now, and her mind keeps slipping further and further away. But it is the little things that I share with her - - - that I will get to keep - forever . . .

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity - to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29:11)

Every day we face uncertainty and wonderment about the future. We hope that all will be good and well in not only our own lives - but in those we love. But the truth is, sometimes bad things happen - things we don’t understand. But God knows just how to help us through. He knows what we need - - - in every moment before us . . .

As we face the holidays before us. May we thank Him for every good thing He has given us in our lives. And may we hold tight to Him, when we wonder about what we are facing next. He knows the answers - - - to every question, every doubt . . .

But just as it is written, ‘Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him.”

(1 Corinthians 2: 9)

God bless you and keep you - as we enter this wonderful Thanksgiving Season.

In His Amazing Love,

Debbie & Ted Ayers