Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Who am I?

Who am I?

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the Earth.... I mean, what does any one life mean? But in a friendship, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.”

This was a post that a friend put in her profile the other day. It made me think about so many things. What do others see - when they look at me? How does God see the person that I am? So many questions about what others will “witness” when they remember me . . .

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!”
(Isaiah 39: 1b)

“Who am I?” has always been a question that I struggle with. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, and a daughter. But I am so much more than words can say. I am a daughter who was abused, a wife who was battered - and yet when you look at me - do you see those things? There are no bruises, no marks to tell the story of my life. Oh yes, there are lines and wrinkles on my face, from years passing by. And there are even lines that my grandchildren trace on my hands. But the bruises that were left from years of hurts? God found them - and healed them - one at a time.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.”
(Isaiah 39:2)

“Who am I?” I am a friend, a lover, and a survivor of so much! I was homeless, and penniless - and still I survived. There was a house full of love, that I still wonder about. I was alone with my daughter, and somehow we lived life. Coffee cans full of change - somehow paid for class rings. And food was always in the house, even when my wallet was empty. It was a time of growing, and learning about me. I was never alone, for God was always with me . . .

“When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched.
Nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the Lord your God.”
(Isaiah 39: 2 & 3)

“Who am I?” I am a wife, a mother, a minister, and a counselor. I have learned so much through the years. I spent years trusting no one - and then Ted came along. I felt his friendship - his love - and so much more. It was a moment in time, when he asked me to marry him. And at first, I believed I needed to say “no”. But love persisted, and wouldn’t go away. I loved him forever - and he loved me!

“Who am I?” I am Ted’s wife, Jenny & Mike’s mom, and a grandma to my grandchildren. I love being all those things. But I am more. I am Ted’s partner in this life, and together we share everything. We share bills, and work, and a ministry. But this past week - I lost my part-time job. And now I wonder what I should do next. Should I search out there for work, or spend more time here on writing? What is it that God, wants for my life???

For 10 years now, I have wondered just how to be “me”. I am a minister and a writer, and I tell stories of all that God has done. I write about the miracles I have witnessed in my life. But I struggle with bills, and I struggle with my self-worth. And I wonder what you see - when you look at me . . .

“Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love, . . .
Do not fear, for I am with you;”
(Isaiah 39: 4 & 5)

Years ago I heard a song by Amy Grant. It is a favorite of both Ted and myself. It is called “My Father’s Eyes”. These are the words:

Father’s Eyes
By Amy Grant

I may not be every mother’s dream for her little girl
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world
But that’s all right as long as I can have one wish I pray
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say

She’s got her father’s eyes, her father’s eyes
Eyes that find the good in things, when good is not around
Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can’t be found
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain
Knowing what you’re going through and feeling it the same

Just like my father’s eyes, my father’s eyes
Just like my father’s eyes

“Who am I?” I hope I am someone that is a “witness” to all that God has done in my life. I hope that when you look at me, you get to see a glimpse of Him.

Do I know what I am going to do next? Not really. But I pray that the Lord will continue to use me to bring hope, and help to those who can’t find it anywhere else. That is my hope - for the rest of my life!

I also pray that God continues to give me the faith to believe in all He has put inside of me. The gifts and talents that are there - I pray that He uses them all. And then I pray for help when I lose sight of “who” I am - - - His precious child!

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you,
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the Lord your God, . . .
Since you are precious in My sight.
Since you are honored and I love you.”

My heart and prayers are with you all, as we face each day not knowing what lays ahead. May God bless you all, keeping you close - as you travel this road we call life. May you too be a “witness” to His Love in your own life. May others see Him - in you!

In His Amazing Love,

Debbie Ayers


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