Weekly Word - November 29, 2007

Weekly Word - November 29, 2007

For Thou art my hope; O Lord God, Thou art my confidence from my youth.
. . . I will hope continually, And will praise Thee yet more and more.
(Psalm 71: 5 & 14)

The room seemed darkened, with only a small bit of light coming from behind her. She was seated in the middle of the couch, with her hands folded in her lap, seeming to be waiting for something. In front of her, a piano was against the wall. But it wasn’t the piano she was looking at. She seemed to be looking directly at me. Her eyes seem to bore straight into my soul, and I couldn’t help but wonder - what was she waiting for?

As I woke up that morning, I wondered about the young girl I had just seen in my dreams. She seemed to be waiting - - - hoping - - - for something. Her eyes seemed to be seared into my thoughts, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of hoping for something that I didn’t know. It was a feeling I had felt before. Hoping and praying, for a future that was still to unfold . . .

But as for me, I will hope continually, And praise Thee yet more and more.

The year was 1999. It had been a year full of changes. Jenny had graduated from high school, and was in her first year of college. Mike was expecting his first child that December. So, with Jen gone, and Mike needing a bigger place - I decided to accept an invitation to move on to the property of the ministry where I worked. There was an apartment there, but it needed some help. So that summer, the apartment was gutted. As fall came around, the work was still in progress. Even though the apartment wasn’t finished, I moved out of my house that October - and Mike moved in. Somehow, all my possessions were crammed into one room - the living room of the ministry - as the worked continued upstairs on the apartment. It wasn‘t easy, living in that one room. And for sure, I couldn’t help but be worried. But I also hoped - and I prayed - that both Jenny and I would be alright . . .

The first time Jen came home for a visit, I could see she wasn’t sure of our “new” home. She wandered around the unfinished rooms, and seemed a bit lost. I knew that she missed that old, drafty house in Woodstock. I guess I did too. Maybe it was because it had been just the two of us, and together we had made it our home. Maybe it was because the house had always seemed full of laughter and joy - as her friends were always visiting us. But there was something wonderful about that old, wooden house - something that we both now missed.

But as for me, I will hope continually, . . .

Just before her Christmas break, the apartment was finally ready for us to move into it. With the help of some friends, all the boxes that had been strewn around the living room - were brought up the stairs. Each room was put together, and I stood there looking at the brand new apartment. It was so beautiful, but also so bare of the things that would make it a “home.” I wanted to decorate, I wanted to put our “stuff” up on the walls - but there wasn’t time. I had to leave and pick up Jenny. As I did, I wondered what she would think of this place - her brand new home . . .

Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.
Let Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us,
According as we have hoped in Thee.
(Psalm 33: 20 & 22)

The day I picked Jenny up from school, was cold and raw outside. But the moment she ran to the car, a warmth seemed to fill my being. She laughed and talked, as we loaded all her things into the back of the car. As we drove, the radio filled the car with Christmas music - and her laughter filled it with so much more. I had missed my daughter so much!

I told Jenny all about the new apartment that day. I told her about her new furniture, and how the apartment looked so beautiful and new. But then I also told her that we needed to decorate it - our own special way. I knew that my friend, who also lived at the ministry, would be decorating the rest of the house with her own things. She had lived there for over 20 years - and so it was “her home”. For Jen and I, we needed to make our own little space - “our home” . . .

Let Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us,
According as we have hoped - in Thee.

Over the next week, Jen and I decorated! As my friend put up her artificial tree and decorated the rest of the house, Jen and I headed to the tree farm and bought a little tree - just for us! It was our own little “Charlie Brown” tree. We put it up in my little study, and decorated it with some of our old bulbs and lights. We put the star on top, and laughed as we looked at our handiwork! Underneath the tree, I put all Jenny’s presents. Finally, the apartment started to feel like a “home”.

But as Christmas Eve came, I could feel a heaviness come over me. Jenny was heading over to her father’s house that night. Her dad was waiting in the parking lot, as she got ready to leave. I hugged and kissed her and told her to have fun. But as she walked out the door, the tears streamed down my face. I sat there for a moment, and then realized there wasn’t time to cry. There was going to be a celebration downstairs in the living room, and I had to go - even though I didn’t want to . . .

The righteous cry and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
. . . The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
(Psalm 34: 17 & 18)

His life had gone through so many changes, that year - 1999. His wife had left him that spring, and he wondered if he would ever get over his broken heart. As he searched for answers, he found himself at the counseling center. There, he struggled with all the hurts in his life, asking God to heal his heart. It took time, but finally - he found a hope that had been lost for many years. He continued going to counseling, and started going to bible studies. More and more, the ministry became part of his life. His heart still hurt, but he now saw hope - and friendship . . .

Then one day, the pastor took him up to the old apartment at the ministry. “What do you think?” she asked him. “Can you help fix it up?” she continued. As they stood there, in that old apartment, something strange seemed to come over him. He felt goosebumps from head to toe - and the pastor was looking at him strangely. “He’s here” she said. And he knew that she was telling the truth. God had filled that apartment, making him wonder what he should do. “I can try” he told the pastor. And with that statement - he started working on the apartment.

What started out as “fixing up” - turned into making “brand new”! He tore all the walls down, and gutted the entire place. The electrical needed fixing, and so did the plumbing. Soon, the job became a huge undertaking. His life revolved around going to work, leaving and going to the apartment to work into the night. He was getting overtired, and exhausted - and he soon found himself wondering if he was doing the right thing! “Lord, what did I get myself into?” he found himself asking. He knew that his friend would be moving into the apartment, but he wondered if he could even finish the work that was in front of him. “Oh Lord, please help . . .” he prayed . . .

The righteous cry and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.

It was in that apartment, with the walls not quite finished, that I found Ted sitting looking totally dejected. There was still so much work to be done, and I was supposed to be moving in - very soon. “What can I do to help?” I asked him. And he just looked at me, totally broken. “I can’t do this!” he said. As he said it, I took him in my arms. At that moment, I wondered what to do. I held him and prayed - asking God to help us both. At that moment, our lives seemed so intertwined, and I knew I really cared for this man. But I also wondered what the future held - for both of us . . .

To be honest, I do not know how he finished that apartment. Most of it, he did on his own, with his two hands - - - and the Lord. Somehow, a miracle happened, and it was done in time for me to move in. And then - it was Christmas Eve . . .

. . . The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

It was Christmas Eve, 1999, and there was going to be a celebration in the main living room. I was supposed to get there early, helping to set up and make the food. So as I got ready, I wiped away my tears - hoping that no one would notice. I dressed in a long black dress with velvet trim. Then I picked up my presents and took them downstairs. I had bought presents for my friends who would be there. As I put them under the tree, I heard a noise, and turned. There he was, in his black leather jacket and jeans. He looked so handsome. He had two dozen roses in his arms, one red - and one white. He handed me the white roses, and headed off to give my friend the red ones. As I stood there, looking at the most beautiful white roses I had ever seen, I tried hard not to cry. Within minutes, he was back, standing in front of me - waiting to see what I would say. I fumbled through telling him how beautiful they were. I wanted to say more, but he quickly smiled at me, telling me he would be back when he had changed from his work clothes. Just as quickly as he had come in - he was gone . . .

As I went upstairs to find a vase and put the roses in water, I found another surprise waiting for me - under my little tree. There was a beautifully wrapped box sitting there, and I wondered about it. I put the roses in a vase, and quickly went to the box. Opening it, I pulled out the most beautiful teddy bear, sitting in a chair. She had on a maroon and off white dress - that had the words “Sweetie Pie” written across it. Before I even looked at the tag, I knew who it was from. He had left it for me, under my little tree. As I stood there alone, the tears started again - as I wondered what lay ahead for all of us . . .

The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;
Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; . . .
(Psalm 138: 8)

That night, the living room was packed with people. Most of them were my friend’s family. But there were a few friends there as well. Sitting there against the wall, I felt a little out of place. My friend’s children and grandchildren were all around, and they were all laughing and playing. I couldn’t help but wonder about my own children and new grandbaby. But then I saw him. He had come in and sat down in the back. He too was feeling uncomfortable. His divorce had gone through just the week before, and I knew he felt all alone. I went to the tree and got the present I had wrapped up for him. I went over and sat down next to him, and handed him his gift. “Thank you for my presents” I told him. He just smiled at me. Then he started opening his own gift. As he did, I tried to watch him without staring too much. When he opened it up, he just held it. Then he looked at me. “I thought of you when I saw it” I told him. The plate he held said: “Home is where our hearts feel welcome” . . .

******************

And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
(Romans 5:2)

That plate still hangs on our living room wall. And there is a picture on my dresser mirror, of Ted and me - with those white roses. Did we know what the future held for either of us back then? No. What we did know, is that we hoped and prayed, for a future that was still to unfold . . .
It is the same for most of us, we wonder what will happen - in good times - and in bad times. Through it all, we hope and pray - for what lays ahead . . .

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity - to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29:11)

We wonder and we hope - we worry and we wait . . .

Over the past year, my parents have been fighting huge battles - with sickness and many troubles. My dad is fighting his 3rd bought with cancer, and my mom battles with losing her memories - and her life as she has known it. Last month, both my parents went through a really tough time. My dad had been in the hospital for a week, and as the days went by, my mom got more and more confused. We were worried about both of them, and so we planned a visit to see them. As we drove up there, I couldn’t help but wonder what we would find when we got there.

As we drove in the yard, my mother came out to greet us. She was so happy we were there. My dad was sitting in his chair, and seemed tired and weak. But he too seemed happy to see us. We sat and visited for a while, but soon, my dad needed to go to the bathroom. As he left, my mom stayed sitting in her rocking chair. She had been smiling, and seemed to try to follow the conversations - but wasn’t always successful. With my dad out of the room, all of a sudden, she started talking. As I looked at her, I realized that her eyes were clear - and she was talking about the past.

My mom started to tell us a story, one I had never heard before. It was about my father asking for her hand in marriage. She told how she worried that her father would not agree, as her parents didn’t always approve of him. She told about my grandfather wallpapering, as my father went in to ask his permission. As she told the story, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was a moment in time that was there to share - and then was gone . . .

We wonder and we hope - we worry and we wait . . . I don’t know what lays ahead for my parents. None of us, know the future. What I do know - is that I am thankful for the moments in time - that God gives us. Moments of laughter and joy, that will last forever . . .

And coming in, he said to her, “Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you.”
But she was greatly troubled at this statement, and kept pondering what kind of salutation this might be.
And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God.” . . . (Luke 1: 29)

We wonder and we hope - we worry and we wait . . . We are coming into the season we call Christmas. It is a time full of hope and wonder - as well as many worries and prayers . It is a time to think back upon our lives, and find those moments where we see the hand of God upon our lives. When we least expected it - He was there. When we wondered what lay ahead - He guided our steps. Just like the girl in my dream, none of us know what the future will bring. But if we hold tight to His hand - we know He has promised us amazing wonders - just around the corner . . .

Will you ask Him to hold your hand and walk with you into the future - a future filled with His joy and His wonder - and all that lays ahead. He is waiting, and hoping - - - just for you . . . .

“My soul exalts the Lord, And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.”
“For the Mighty One has done great things for me.”
(Luke 1: 47 - 49)

God bless you and keep you - in this most wonderful of seasons! May His joy fill you and keep you - until we meet back here again . . .

In His Amazing Love,

Debbie & Ted Ayers