Weekly Word for February 23, 2007

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy;
In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.
(Psalm 16: 11)

It had been one of those days, Ted’s pager kept going off and we found ourselves dealing with more than we had planned on. As evening drew near, it was finally time for each other. At the grocery store, we picked out one of our favorite dinners. As Ted started cooking, wonderful smells filled the kitchen. Watching him cook was always a joy, and I decided I would help - just to stay near him. So as the water came to a boil, I poured the noodles into the pot. Taking a wooden spoon, I started stirring the noodles, helping them to come back up to a boil. But just as I started stirring, pain seemed to fill my chest. Ted was busy cutting up the veggies for our salad, and so he didn’t notice as I carefully made my way over to the chair. As I sat down, I realized my hand was pressed tightly against my chest. The pain was so intense! It was worse than anything I had ever felt in my life. As I looked over at Ted, I wasn’t sure what to do. Without turning toward me, he asked if I was alright. “No” was all I could say, and quickly he turned to look at me. I saw his face turn pale, as he rushed toward me. As he knelt before me, I wondered how I could ever say good-bye - to this wonderful man . . .

Thou wilt make known to me - - - the path of life;

The weeks and months that had led up to that day, had been full of stress. We had gone through so much, worrying about the kids, my back, and our finances. It seemed that “life” wasn’t as easy as both of us would have liked. Two weeks earlier, we had found out that Ted’s company was going through more changes, and that added to the worries. The stress seemed more than either of us could bear, and it seemed to take it’s toll on our relationship. So as the week-end finally came, we had decided to make it a special time for the two of us.

But things didn’t quite go the way we had planned. As Ted knelt before me, praying - fear filled my being. What if this was serious? What if I wasn’t ready? Had I done everything I needed to do - here on earth? As we waited for the ambulance to arrive, Ted continued to pray - and I worked hard on keeping my whole body from shaking. What if . . .

I will bless the Lord who has counseled me:
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night . . .
Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; . . .
(Psalm 16: 7 & 11)

Not a one of us, likes to think about the “what if’s” in our lives. It is always difficult to face the realities in life, the fact that none of us are immortal. We all will face death - at some point in our lives. But how do we do that?

As I thought about these questions, I remembered back to a time that seems so long ago. And yet, the memories are so strong - it feels like it was just yesterday . . .

I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken.
(Psalm 16: 8)

I had been so sick - in body and spirit - for so long! I had spent months looking at the wounds and betrayals in my life. As I dealt with therapy, and the anger of my husband and family - my body seemed ready to give out. So on this day, I found it difficult to even get out of bed. When the phone rang, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to answer it. But I finally did. As I said “hello” - I heard Norma’s soft voice.

As I listened, I knew that Norma must be very sick - to be calling me for help. She was one of those people who never seemed to get sick. But on this day, something was very wrong. Her voice was barely a whisper, as she told me that she had been very sick for days. When I finally hung up the phone, my own troubles seemed very far away - as I called another friend for help. Norma was very sick - and I was worried.

When I called my friend, I hoped that she could help Norma. I told her what was happening, and how sick Norma was. She listened, and then asked if we could pray together, right there on the phone. “You need to go to her” she said, as we finished praying. And that’s when I argued with her. I was still sick, and I felt that someone else needed to go - instead of me. Deep inside, I knew that others could help Norma, much better than I could. “No, it has to be you!” she said. And so, with great hesitation, I put on my clothes and got in my car.

Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken . . . For Thou wilt not abandon my soul . . .

As I drove the short distance to Norma’s house, I couldn’t seem to stop the fear that was building inside of me. My legs and arms kept shaking, and I had to work hard to keep on driving. I was afraid - - - What if . . .

When I got to her house, I went in through the front door. There in the living room, she was sitting in her favorite chair. She had on her nightgown and bathrobe, and her face and skin were very pale. She looked so sick. As I stood before her, I wasn’t sure what to do. I knelt down before her, holding her hands in mine, and I asked her if we could pray. She looked at me, and her eyes seemed to say they trusted me. I quickly closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t see the fear and doubt that was still there. As I opened my mouth to pray - I wondered what to say . . .

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, Thou wilt revive me;
And Thy right hand will save me.
(Psalm 138: 7)

As I started to pray, I heard these words: “Lord be in charge of Norma’s life and body, please show the doctors what is wrong”. I prayed a little more, and then stayed with her as she called her doctor and her husband. It took only a little while, and Norma was on her way to the hospital. That evening, the first of a series of doctors found out - - - that Norma had cancer . . .

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, Thou wilt revive me; . . . And Thy right hand will save me.
The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;
(Psalm 138: 7 & 8)

On that day, Norma began her battle with cancer. She fought it, for three years. During that time, our friendship seemed to grow even closer. Norma and I, had the type of relationship that allowed us to talk about everything. And that meant, we talked about the “what if’s”. In the last few months of Norma’s life, we talked about her life. We talked about her husband and her son. And then we talked about her leaving this earth.

To this day, I remember the nights, when her husband would leave the hospital - and she would call me. We would sit there talking about everything. And then one night she asked me: “How will I know how to go?” As she asked it, I tried to hide the fact that I was shaking from head to toe. “I’m not sure” I answered her. “But I do believe that God will show you the way” I continued. My teeth were actually chattering, and I tried to stop them. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to have this conversation. But “what if” we didn’t? At that moment, I silently prayed that God would help me - to help Norma get ready for the “rest of her life” . . .

The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;. . .

When I think about that time with Norma, I realize that the Lord never lets us wonder about things, for very long. He was there, in the conversations and the questions. During that time, He made sure that Norma knew that He was with her - always. When she wondered about trying a brand new treatment, the Lord gave her a dream - telling her that she would have every single day that she had been given - until it was time for her to go. It was her choice, how she wanted to live that time. And so she chose to stay home, until the day she “went Home” to be with the Lord . . .

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, . . .

As Ted and I waited for the ambulance, a few weeks ago, I heard Ted praying. As he did, these words came: “It is not your time”, he said. And both of us were surprised by those words. We hung on to them, as I was admitted to the cardiac ward. My heart was having troubles, and the doctors weren’t sure why. The "what if” was always in our thoughts - but we hung on to God’s words . . .

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity - to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29: 11)

None of us knows how many days we will have - here on earth. Most of us worry about those days, and the future that is before us. But Norma taught me so much, in the months and days before she died. She taught me about living each day to the fullest, and trusting in the Lord - with every fiber of her being. She taught me, to trust God - with all my “what if’s”!

I don’t know all the reasons why I ended up in the hospital a few weeks ago. But I do know that the Lord was right there with me, the whole time. I had a severe allergic reaction to a new medicine - and it hit my heart. Could I have died? Maybe. But I trusted that God would be in charge - of all of me - until the day He takes me home . . .

For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, . . .

This week, is the beginning of “Lent”. The word means “New Beginning”. It is a time to look at our lives, and search for the things that keep us in pain and death. It is a time, to ask God to help us - to Live life!

Will you take this opportunity to search your own life, asking God to show you where you are full of pain and hurt. Will you trust in Him - for a “New Beginning?” When you do, your “what if’s” will have no power over your life - anymore . . .

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life;
In Thy presence is fulness of joy;
In Thy right hand there are pleasures - forever.
(Psalm 16: 11)

God bless you and keep you - as we begin this time we call Lent.

In His Amazing Love,
Debbie & Ted Ayers