"Weekly Word" for the week of August 17, 2007

Weekly Word - August 17, 2007

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy;
In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.
(Psalm 16: 11)

“I hope you will take some time to think about it, before you make your decision” were the words I read in the email. I knew my friend was worried about me, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I had to make a choice, and his words made me stop and wonder. Was I making the “right” choice? What should I do?

All of us make choices every single day - choices that affect our lives - and our tomorrows. As I read those words again, I couldn’t help but think back over my life - to times when the choice before me was difficult - to when I wondered if I was doing the right thing - or not . . .

Thou wilt make known to me - - - the path of life;

It was December, 1973. I was 17 years old, and looking at engagement rings with my boyfriend. We had been dating for almost a year and a half, and I was sure I wanted to marry him. As we picked out the diamond, he put it away - waiting to give it to me when I turned 18. As he drove away that night, I was so excited! I couldn’t wait to tell all my friends.

Over the next few weeks, it was all I could talk about. I was going to get married. He was away at college, and so we wrote letters to each other, and we talked on the phone every once in a while. Back then, there were no cell phones or computers to stay in touch. There was one phone, and it was in my parents kitchen. “Privacy” was not easy to come by. So when the phone would ring, I had to be careful what I said - as my parents and brothers would always be nearby. I couldn’t wait until the day I was old enough to be on my own - old enough to get away from them all!

I still remember the day it all came crashing down on me. I had started a letter while I was in school, and shoved it into my book as the bell rang. As I gathered my stuff together, I raced to catch my bus home. When I got there, I threw everything on my bed - and got ready to head off to work. I was a cashier at the local grocery store - the same store where I had met my boyfriend.

I must have worked my normal shift, heading home around 9pm. As I walked into the house, I had no clue what was waiting for me. As I walked into the kitchen, my parents were sitting in the living room. My mothers eyes were red, and the letter I had been writing that day, was sitting on the chair - right next to her. I can still feel the panic - that started deep inside my chest. I just stood there - looking from one to the other - wondering if she would actually kill me this time. She had a way of losing her temper, and all of us kids had felt her wrath. So as I stood there, I wondered if I should turn and run back out the door. But I didn’t. I just stood - and waited . . .

If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, . . . Even there - Your hand shall lead me, . . . And Your right hand shall hold me.
(Psalm 139: 9 & 10)

She screamed and yelled at me, telling me that I was too young to get married. My father sat there, just looking at me as if I had done something so terrible, that he didn’t know what to say. I tried to argue, but they wouldn’t listen. Finally, when the yelling was finished, they told me that they would talk to both of us later on that week. And with that, I turned and went to bed. But I couldn’t sleep. I kept hearing their words, and wondering what to do next. When morning finally came, with bloodshot eyes - I headed off to school.

As soon as I got off the bus, I headed to the phone booth. I put in my change, and told the operator I wanted to make a collect call. When he finally answered the phone, I knew he had been sleeping. He told the operator he would take the call, and I burst out crying. “They know!” was all I could tell him. He told me to calm down, and he would be there when I got out of school. As I hung up the phone, I didn’t know what to think. As I headed to my home room and first class, I had no clue what the day would hold for me.

That day, I became engaged. He was waiting for me when I came out of the school. As I got in the car, he took my hand. He put the diamond on my finger, and told me that it was to stay there. And then he drove me to my parents’ house. That night, he told my parents that we were engaged - and that they couldn’t do anything about it. He threatened to take me far, far away - if they caused any trouble. And then he got in his car and drove back to college! I was engaged - just like that!

If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, . . . Even there - Your hand shall lead me, . . .

On August 10, 1974 - I got married for the very first time. Was it a good decision? I don’t know. But I got married, and headed down a road that was full of twists and turns. I made a choice to have a baby - and in June 1977 - I had my little boy.

Over the next few years, I fell in love with this little blonde thing, with beautiful brown eyes - who filled my life with so much joy! He amazed me with every day he grew, and I couldn’t wait to have another little one just like him!

By the time Mikey was two years old, I knew I wanted another baby. And so I started “trying” to get pregnant. But months went by, and I wasn’t pregnant. My body didn’t seem to work quite right, and soon I was seeing specialists and doctors. They did tests and scans, and told me that something wasn’t quite right in my pituitary. As they talked, I had no clue what that meant. I just knew I wanted a baby. But the doctor kept talking, telling me he wanted to put me on a brand new medication. And then he stopped and looked at me. He told me that it was important for me to understand one thing, he told me - do not get pregnant! As he said it, I nodded my head and told him I wouldn’t.

On the new medication, I started to feel much better. My body seemed to be working the way it was supposed to, and by the 3rd month, I knew I was pregnant. I didn’t dare tell anyone, as I didn’t know what to do. I wanted the baby so badly, but the doctor had told me not to get pregnant. As I waited for my appointment to see him, I couldn’t help but worry.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; You are mine.”
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you . . .
For I am the Lord your God”
(Isaiah 43: 1)

As I sat in the doctor’s office, I tried to hide the fact that my body was shaking. “I might be pregnant” I told him. He stopped what he was doing, and stared at me for just a moment. And then he went and got a needle. “We’ll make sure you aren’t” he said, as he drew blood from my arm. “Stop taking the medicine, and I’ll let you know the results as soon as they come back.”

It took only a few days, for the doctor’s office to call me. “The test came back positive - you are pregnant”. As I heard the words, I couldn’t help but be excited and happy. I wanted this baby so badly. But then the doctor continued. “You need to think about seeing another specialist, the baby may not be alright” . . .

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you . . .

You need to think about this . . . I didn’t know what to think, as the doctor said those words. I made an appointment to see my obstetrician, and he also suggested that I think about what my choices were. “What if . . .” were the questions they asked me. But I couldn’t help but love this little life that was growing inside of me. I decided that I wasn’t going to see the specialist - I wanted this baby so badly - - - but what if . . .

“When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, . . .”
(Isaiah 43: 2)

“I hope you will take some time to think about it, before you make your decision” those words have been part of my life - over and over again. Each time - I tried to ask God to lead and guide me. And each time, I had no clue if I had made the right decision. The only thing I did know - - - was that I was trying to follow my heart . . .

“And you will seek Me and find Me,
When you search for Me with all your heart.”
(Jeremiah 29: 12 & 13)

Through the years, I have made choices. Choices where I didn’t know if they were right or wrong. I chose to carry my 2nd baby. As she grew in my stomach, I worried and I prayed. Each night, I would lay my hands on my belly, talking to the little life that was growing inside. I told myself that I would love it, no matter what. The day she was born, she was so tiny - and so beautiful! I loved her so much - - - and I thanked God that she was alright . . .

“And behold, I am with you, and will keep you - wherever you go, . . .
For I will not leave you . . .”
(Genesis 28: 15)

So many times in our lives, we make a choice - and then realize that God is right there with us. Because He is there, we figure we made the “right” choice. Through the years, I have come to realize that He is there - even when I make the wrong choices. He is there -- - anyways . . .

“And behold, I am with you, and will keep you - wherever you go, . . .

I had chosen to get married to a man when I was 18 years old. At the time, my parents as well as my teachers told me I was making a big mistake. But I did it anyways. I still remember the day I told one of my teachers that I was getting married. He stood there looking at me as if I had said the world was square, or that I was going to fly to the moon! He took a second to take in what I said, and then he looked at me with such an intense look. “You are so bright,” he said. “One of the smartest students in this school,” he continued. “You could do anything you want.” “Why are you getting married?” As he asked the question, I guess I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t really thought I was all that smart, or pretty - or anything. But this teacher was telling me I was. “I want to” was all I could tell him. I wanted to get married - I wanted to have a family - I wanted to have this life I was choosing . . .

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy;
In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.

The marriage was difficult, and the road was bumpy - all along the way. We hurt each other, and there were times when we caused huge wounds in the other. After 21 years, I finally made another decision. I decided to leave him.

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life;

I wish I could say that I knew I was doing the right thing - divorcing my husband. But I had just as many people telling me I was wrong - as I had friends telling me I was finally doing the “right” thing! I prayed - and I searched - and I hoped . . .

Trust in the Lord, and do good; . . .
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
(Psalm 37: 3 & 4)

In February 2001, I married for a 2nd time. At the time, I knew that I wanted to marry this wonderful man more than anything else I had ever wanted to do. I loved him with all of my heart, soul, and being. But again, there had been those who told both of us - that we should “think about” what we were doing. At the time, we did! We prayed, we searched, and we loved each other so deeply - we couldn’t bear the idea of living apart.

The day we became husband and wife, we knew that God was right there “with” us. Just as He has been with us every single day - since.

And He will give you the desires of your heart . . .

“I hope you will take some time to think about it,” when I read those words, I knew that we had done exactly that. Ted and I had been praying about my back and the surgery - for months. The pain had gotten much worse, and the tests had shown that the disk was completely “blown out”. As we sat in the doctors office, Ted asked if there was any other way to fix this. The doctor shook his head, and we knew he was telling the truth.

Is it difficult to face a 2nd spinal surgery? Yes. But the first surgery did exactly what it was supposed to - and those disks are doing great. Now - it is time to fix this last part of the injury. It was part of an injury that shouldn’t have happened. My air bag should not have gone off - and I shouldn’t have had to face all that I have gone through. But it did - and I now have to make this 2nd difficult choice. Have I taken the time to think about it? Every single day. And every day - we will continue to pray about it. Is it the right choice? I am hoping - - - and I am praying . . .

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity - to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29: 11)

I wish I could say that I have “always” made the right choices in my life. But the truth is - I haven’t. I have made mistakes - we all do. But even in the mistakes - God walks right beside us. He is there, to help us and guide us - on whatever path we find ourselves.

It is my hope and prayer that you will ask the Lord to walk with you - not only when times are tough - but every day that is before you. Will you say “yes” to living Life - making choices - and holding on tight to the Lord each step of the way . . .

“And behold, I am with you, and will keep you - wherever you go . . .”

God bless you and keep you - until we meet back here again . . .

In His Love,

Debbie & Ted Ayers