Friday, June 03, 2005

Weekly Word for June 3 - 10, 2005

Weekly Word - June 3, 2005

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,”
“My God, in whom I trust!”
(Psalm 91: 1 & 2)

As she shut the door, all the pain and all the horrors were forgotten - behind that door. She locked it tightly, making sure none of the terrible secrets would be remembered. And then she went on with living - skipping and running - playing like any other little girl her age. Now she could laugh - now she could smile - as the pain was gone - and she went on living . . .

He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
(Psalm 91: 4)

She was such a beautiful young woman, and soon would become his wife. She was so happy as she looked at the beautiful white dress she would be wearing. She didn’t care that her mother had made all the arrangements, as she was going to marry the boy she had loved for so long! He hadn’t noticed her in high school, and even when he went off to college - until the day her picture had been in the local paper. She didn’t know how it happened, but she had won a beauty contest. She didn’t consider herself beautiful, but her mother had pushed her, and so she had entered. When she had won, it was such a surprise. That’s when her picture had been in the paper, and “he” had seen it! She had been infatuated with him since she was a teenager, and now . . . They were going to be married!

As the day grew closer, her excitement also grew. Her mother was feverishly planning the wedding, and her fiancé had planned the honeymoon - while she was planning the rest of their lives . . .

For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways.
(Psalm 91: 11)

It was her wedding day, and everything seemed to be a blur! She knew she was wearing the beautiful white dress, and there were so many people in the church, but the ceremony seemed to last but only a minute! And then they were off to the reception. She remembers dancing and cutting the cake, but again - it flew by in an instant! And then, she was there, in the hotel . . .

You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day;
Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
. . . It shall not approach you.
(Psalm 91: 5, 6, & 7b)

It was her wedding night, and the hotel room was beautiful - but her mind was filled with confusion. The bathroom seemed “different”, and so did the room, as she wondered what was happening in her mind. Her groom was waiting, and she trembled inside, wishing she knew why she was afraid. She loved him so much, and believed he loved her - - - so what was the matter with her?

“Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.”
(Psalm 91: 14)

It wasn’t until many years later, that my friend sought out a counselor. When she did, she found the answers she had always been looking for. Her fears and doubts, her wedding night, all the confusion - they all had a reason - and that reason was because - she had been raped . . .

So many women (and sometimes men) have been raped or abused in their lives. As little children, they don’t know what to do with the fears and threats that come their way. And so, it gets buried - until something stirs it up - and the confusion starts all over again . . .

“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble;”
I will rescue him, and honor him. With a long life I will satisfy him.”
(Psalm 91: 15 & 16a)

Not too long ago, I was talking with a young woman. How the conversation got to this topic - - - only the Lord knows. But I listened, as she told me about her life. “I didn’t know that it had happened to me” she said. “until my world was shaken - and I couldn’t eat, or sleep, or even take a sip of water . . .” she went on. As I listened to her, I knew what she meant - I understood exactly what she was saying - and I told her this story:

We live in a house, with doors and windows. When something terrible happens, we close the door tightly - and never want to look at it again. We go on living in the rest of the house - growing and trying to live our lives. But then - - - an earthquake happens! And it shakes the whole house - down to the foundation. And the door - is cracked open . . . .

When I told her those words, she looked at me amazed. “Nobody understands that!” she said. But I did understand - because I had lived it. But I also understood something more - - - I knew that God can heal us - - - because He healed me . . .
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”
For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper, and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge;

(Psalm 91: 2 - 4)

Many years ago, my friend Norma helped me through a terrible time in my life. I was confused and wondered what was wrong with me. And then, when I found out what had happened to me - I was angry! I wanted to know where the Lord had been! That’s when she gave me this bible passage - Psalm 91. She helped me to understand that God hadn’t been asked to be “with” me during the awful times in my life. But He did love me - and had felt my pain and hurt. And it was Him - who had given me a way to survive - to get on with living my life. He had helped me to “hide away” all that had hurt when I was a little girl. And it was Him - who was waiting - to heal me and help me - to live . . .

For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways.
They will bear you up in their hands, Lest you strike your foot against a stone.
The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.
(Psalm 91: 11 - 13)

As I was going through that awful time, I found a song that I would play over and over. It was a song by Amy Grant. These are some of the words:

Ask Me by Amy Grant

I see her as a little girl hiding in her room - - - she takes another bath and she sprays her momma’s perfume
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind - - - But it haunts her mind
Ask me if I think there’s a God up in the heaven - - - where did He go in the middle of her shame?
Ask me if I think there’s a God up in the heavens - - - I see no mercy and no one down here’s naming names - - - Nobody’s naming names.
Now she’s looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face - - - No more frightened little girl, like she’s gone without a trace . . .
But no one’s left to harm her, she’s finally safe and sound - - - There’s peace she has found.
Ask her how she knows there’s a God up in the heaven - - - where did He go in the middle of her shame?
Ask her how she knows there’s a God up in the heavens - - - She said His mercy is bringing her life again.

When I met Ted, I wondered what he would think, if he knew everything about me. We were falling in love, and I knew I had to tell him. I had told him little bits and pieces of my life - but I wondered if he should read some of my journals and notebooks that I had written while I was going through my counseling. So on this day, I sat down with him, placing my journals on the table before him. He opened the first book and then closed it. He pulled me into his arms and said: “I don’t have to read all about you - to know I love all of who you are!”

I sought the Lord, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces shall never be ashamed.
(Psalm 34: 4 & 5)

On the day that Ted and I were married, I gave him a gift. It is a key chain that reads: To the Love of My Life - - - From all of me - to all of you. Ted accepts who I am, the good, as well as what I thought of as bad. I love Ted, who he is - knowing that he too has been hurt through his life. Together, we face our lives - - - asking God to lead us and guide us - forever . . .

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans for welfare and not for calamity - to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29: 11)

It is my hope that you will give the Lord your whole life. Not just “now”, but all of it. He knows how to open the doors that hide the pain - and heal the wounds inside. He knows how to give you a future and a hope! The Lord is waiting - for you - all of you. Your past, as well as the future - are standing before you - waiting for you to say “yes” to God’s healing and Life . . .

God bless you in the coming week ahead!

In His Love,
Debbie & Ted Ayers


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